How to be an ITK; A Brief guide to fooling your followers.

How to be an ITK:

A Brief guide to fooling your followers. 

*ITK - Means In the Know, somebody who has "inside information" about Football Clubs.

1. Tell People you’re ITK. 

This is quite important. How else are people going to know you're ITK? You could just post consistently reliable information that you're confident is correct and let people build up a trustworthy opinion of you from that, but that takes time and effort, and of course you actually need to know your onions. It is much quicker and easier just to state that you're ITK. 

2. Tell people they can unfollow you (Twitter) or choose not to believe you. 

You're doing everyone a favour remember that. If somebody doubts your reliable information just tell them not to believe it if they choose to. This way you can get rid of pesky tweeters who want the truth. It’s also makes you look like you're not seeking attention. You are but that’s beside the point. 

3. Namedrop.

This is another important one, of course it’s difficult because names are often hard to come by, and it may come back to bite you in the bum if that person finds out you've been using their name. 

4. Break deals as being "complete" when they are in the latter stages.

This isn't so important but it makes your job a whole lot easier. If a transfer looks likely and various other sources have reported it as being in the closing stages say it’s a done deal. The transfer will more than likely go through and then you can be smug and say you confirmed it.... ago. Remember there is no set limit on the amount of times you can "break" news. If you break it too early say a month or a week then blame the club, you knew about it ages ago they just wanted to keep it a secret for longer. 

5. Try and make sure the stories aren't totally made up.

This again isn't a cast iron rule but it’s a good one to follow. If newspapers continually run the same story you can piggy-back on this and use it as your story. Robin Van Persie and Luka Modric are expected to leave their clubs this summer so these are easy targets, combine 4 and 5 and you should get a fair few shit munchers on board and increase your number of followers. 

6. If you are making it up; be logical put 2 and 2 together. 

To really be ITK you have to be one of the first to break a story. If you just repeat stories from other sources (Like Our Twitter page) then nobody will believe you are ITK. The best way to be the first on the scene is to make a story up ( I know this goes against points 4 and 5) however be careful when making your story up, if it’s too farfetched you could be left with egg on your face, try and follow this little formula:

Club -> Position they're weak in -> Player who plays there -> "realistic" fee.

= Manchester United are interested in a £14 Million deal for #NUFC's Yohan Cabaye

You could very well get lucky and a paper or website could run a similar story and you could be smug. 

7. Use transfer buzzwords and phrases.

They're a nightmare for fans during silly season but they can be your best friend. Terms like "Interested in" "Preparing a bid for" or "Set for talks “are extremely useful. This can be very important if you're following point 6. Even if your story is bullshit (Which we know it may just be) if you use one of these terms you can't be held accountable, I mean you didn't say it was a done deal you just said there was interest, what do they know there could well have been. 

8. Backtrack and Delete, or Attack and Block.

It is important to remember that not everybody loves ITKs and there will be some people out there to get you! You can delete tweets but some people may still see them. You have two options when you've been found out either unleash a foul mouthed flurry of abuse and then block the victim so they can't get you again ( I know you're a "professional person" and surely your clients would be embarrassed to see you fighting random people online but nobody seems to mention that so it’s ok). The other option is to backtrack and then delete you can say "my source was wrong" or "everybody makes mistakes" this is particularly useful if you've applied point 2. 

That’s our guide then, I hope you don't use it because we've got enough fucking ITKs. If you enjoyed the post, comment or RT. 

Thanks.