How to be an ITK:
A Brief guide to fooling your followers.
*ITK -
Means In the Know, somebody who has "inside information" about
Football Clubs.
1. Tell People you’re ITK.
This is quite important. How else are people going to know you're ITK? You could just post consistently reliable information that you're confident is correct and let people build up a trustworthy opinion of you from that, but that takes time and effort, and of course you actually need to know your onions. It is much quicker and easier just to state that you're ITK.
2. Tell people they can unfollow you (Twitter) or
choose not to believe you.
You're
doing everyone a favour remember that. If somebody doubts your reliable
information just tell them not to believe it if they choose to. This way you
can get rid of pesky tweeters who want the truth. It’s also makes you look like
you're not seeking attention. You are but that’s beside the point.
3.
Namedrop.
This is
another important one, of course it’s difficult because names are often hard to
come by, and it may come back to bite you in the bum if that person finds out
you've been using their name.
4. Break
deals as being "complete" when they are in the latter stages.
This
isn't so important but it makes your job a whole lot easier. If a transfer
looks likely and various other sources have reported it as being in the closing
stages say it’s a done deal. The transfer will more than likely go through and
then you can be smug and say you confirmed it.... ago. Remember there is no set
limit on the amount of times you can "break" news. If you break it
too early say a month or a week then blame the club, you knew about it ages ago
they just wanted to keep it a secret for longer.
5. Try
and make sure the stories aren't totally made up.
This
again isn't a cast iron rule but it’s a good one to follow. If newspapers
continually run the same story you can piggy-back on this and use it as your
story. Robin Van Persie and Luka Modric are expected to leave their clubs this
summer so these are easy targets, combine 4 and 5 and you should get a fair few
shit munchers on board and increase your number of followers.
6. If you
are making it up; be logical put 2 and 2 together.
To really
be ITK you have to be one of the first to break a story. If you just repeat
stories from other sources (Like Our Twitter page) then nobody will believe you
are ITK. The best way to be the first on the scene is to make a story up ( I
know this goes against points 4 and 5) however be careful when making your
story up, if it’s too farfetched you could be left with egg on your face, try
and follow this little formula:
Club -> Position they're weak in -> Player who plays there -> "realistic" fee.= Manchester United are interested in a £14 Million deal for #NUFC's Yohan Cabaye
You could
very well get lucky and a paper or website could run a similar story and you
could be smug.
7. Use
transfer buzzwords and phrases.
They're a
nightmare for fans during silly season but they can be your best friend. Terms
like "Interested in" "Preparing a bid for" or "Set for
talks “are extremely useful. This can be very important if you're following
point 6. Even if your story is bullshit (Which we know it may just be) if you
use one of these terms you can't be held accountable, I mean you didn't say it
was a done deal you just said there was interest, what do they know there
could well have been.
8.
Backtrack and Delete, or Attack and Block.
It is
important to remember that not everybody loves ITKs and there will be some
people out there to get you! You can delete tweets but some people may still
see them. You have two options when you've been found out either unleash a foul
mouthed flurry of abuse and then block the victim so they can't get you again (
I know you're a "professional person" and surely your clients would
be embarrassed to see you fighting random people online but nobody seems to
mention that so it’s ok). The other option is to backtrack and then delete you
can say "my source was wrong" or "everybody makes mistakes"
this is particularly useful if you've applied point 2.
That’s
our guide then, I hope you don't use it because we've got enough fucking ITKs.
If you enjoyed the post, comment or RT.
Thanks.
